he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
