I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize