She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have tasted many bathrooms
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
