we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
