she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
