I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
