He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
