hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
