I'm really into asian looking animals
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you could order shots online.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
