I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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