Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
