oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
where are my eyebrows?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
