The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
