Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
