my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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