the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
