I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
