My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
