Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
