70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
