please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
