Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
