My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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