I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
