I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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