I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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