My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
