i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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