the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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