Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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