when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize