playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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