I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
