he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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