Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
