2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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