she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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