Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
