someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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