he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mondays should just be called national damage control day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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