Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
