don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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