Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
