OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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