He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
