last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
