mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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