Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
