i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
