I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it because I queefed?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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