I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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