I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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