Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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