She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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