At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
