I'm really into asian looking animals
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
