Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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