Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
