i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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