Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize