I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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