i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
