I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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