do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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