i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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