I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
