i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think i got beer on your cat.
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