You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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