I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
