It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
