dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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