I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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