I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
