Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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