If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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