had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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