I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
