I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
