One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
