last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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