Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
