I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
