It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
