I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
