Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
