Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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