My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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